#michael guerin meta

[im-the-punk-who]

@portraitofemmy​

extremely useful guitar reference! man, now I'm even more confused by the choice to have made michael have his own guitar that he's apparently had for a while in season 4. internal consistency whomst?

*gently steps onto a soapbox*

Okay so I CAN actually say there is a reason, following the music is metaphor/rebirth of relationships line of the earlier seasons. I’m not saying it’s what the writers were thinking, because music is all but gone from the latter two seasons and a lot of the nuance from the first seasons just straight up goes away, BUT. Michael having a ‘new’ guitar makes sense in that Alex’s guitar has meant repeated patterns, past traumas and hurts.

The guitar Alex gives to Michael in 1x06 represents a future that was never meant to be. An impossible dream. It is only seen in a world which immediately gets destroyed when Jesse Manes finds them, and when Noah kills Rosa.

The guitar Michael has in the photo and that Rosa has in Max’s flashback represents nostalgia - it is only ever seen through rose-colored glasses. Again, it is a dream rather than a reality.

The guitars we see in Alex’s house in S2 might represent his personal journey - the first one we see is in 2x05 right before everything changes for him after being confronted with ‘I used to, too’. Alex does a *lot* of processing and letting go and realization in episodes 2x05 and 2x06, and I can’t help but think this guitar that is once again, only seen once, is a symbol of that. It’s a change in the wind that he isn’t still using his same guitar from when he was a teenager. That he has finally started giving up the old patterns. And then in 2x11 we see another new guitar - another evolution as Michael and Jesse search his house - when we know he’s already been working on Would You Come Home. Two forces competing for Alex’s future framed against a backdrop of ever evolving communication patterns.

And into all of this, we have Michael’s guitar way later in s4. Michael and Alex have gotten back together, started fixing and working on their problems. They stand together as a unit; they are no longer lost to miscommunications and past trauma and nostalgia and a life that couldn’t ever be, nor are they fumbling their way through declarations of someday. Michael specifically says “she helped me find my way in life”. We get that he’s had the guitar for ‘quite some time’ but we don’t ever get  a specific timeframe...it could be a year, it could be ten. Michael’s own journey of letting go of his past traumas starts a in late season 1/early season 2, and he could have even gotten it then. But either way, the significance of it *appearing* now, I think, is that it represents a new step in their journey, of which music has always been a part. I’ve harped on and on about how their whole arc in seasons 1-3 was about needing to let go, and in this, we’re subtly told they have. That they are ready and trying to make a new kind of music in which Michael is not dependent on Alex’s things, Alex’s whims. He can make his own rhythms independently, and he can work alongside Alex’s own music, as a partner and a harmony, rather than just taking whatever Alex is able to give him. 

(Edited to add: for those of you playing along at home Michael's guitar shares a similarity with every other guitar he and Alex have shared.

1) similar sound hole pattern to Alex's Läg w two rings.

2) dark edging and very rich finish like the 1x02 guitar.

3) black fret and headstock like the guitar that Alex gave him in 1x06.)

‘Tiny’ meta on the guitars in Roswell New Mexico

Because I hate this show and it’s dumb.

So recently I was trying to figure out what kind of guitars Alex has, for fic reasons, and I had the brilliant idea to look at both of the guitars in 1x06 and the guitar Michael plays in the Wild Pony at the end of 1x13.

Unfortunately for me, you, and everyone, what I discovered is that the guitar Michael steals from Alex when they initially meet is the same guitar that he plays in the bar. (A Läg guitar, if you are interested, likely an occitania model of some sort. Interesting historical footnote: Neil Diamond also play(s/ed) this brand.)

For those interested, there are a total of five guitars show in the series so far: Alex’s Läg, the guitar Michael has in the photograph from 1x02(likely the same guitar Rosa is playing in the pilot), the guitar Alex gives to Michael in the toolshed in 1x06, and the two in Alex’s house in season 2(2x05+2x11).

So my meta/headcanon here is that when Alex leaves for Iraq, he gives Maria the guitar for safekeeping - since it’s likely he would know it wasn’t safe at his house. She keeps it, sometimes using it at the Pony for performances and as a backup guitar for impromtpu jam sessions. The only time we see it at the Pony there is also a drum kit set up.

During 1x13, Michael tells Isobel that he’s had the realization that his relationship with Alex isn’t healthy, that lately it ‘just hurts’ and ‘feels like a crash landing���; to which Isobel gives him the advice ‘Maybe Max is right. Maybe it’s time we stop looking back and start looking forward.’

For me this is a big reason why he goes to the Wild Pony later, rather than meeting Alex and talking about their entangled past together. Michael is trying to move forward.

And just like Alex will in Season 2, the best way for him to start to do that is through music. (Which…tfw your coping strategies and healing rituals are the same….COSMIC.)

Now that his hand is healed (however non-consensual the act itself) Michael actually has that chance to try and heal himself. It isn’t the magic remedy Max hoped his healing powers would be. (’To heal this, you’ll have to reopen the wound in your mind. All the pain you’ve hidden there.)

To really heal from grief, one of the key components is that you have to let go of the expectations and hopes that you wanted from whatever isn’t possible anymore. And Season 1 has a really interesting progression showing Michael starting on that journey. And in this moment in the finale he has the same chance Alex will get in Season 2: to say goodbye to the person he was and the relationship that could have been and all the hurt that he’s held onto because of that, and start trying to move forward.

So, Michael goes to Maria at the Wild Pony, and sees The Guitar. The same guitar that he ‘borrowed’ from Alex eleven years ago that started them on the path to where they are now.

He wants to be with Maria, he agrees with Maria that they need to talk. But first, he has to say goodbye to what he’s been holding onto with Alex.

By playing the same guitar that brought them together.

(The way he looks at the guitar in this moment reads so much more tender to me than just him being able to play music again. Yes, this is something he’s been hindered from doing for ten years, but Maria doesn’t seem overly surprised to hear Michael playing. She is only surprised when she notices his hand is healed. Moreso, I think that - especially since in the in-between scene is Liz talking to Rosa’s grave, wishing for all the things Rosa never got to experience - that this is Michael connecting with his grief in a way he hasn’t been able to, and reckoning with his own hopes for the past.)

Like he’s momentarily transported somewhere else.

And I don’t think this is coincidence. There are multiple guitars and to use *this one* - the one that started it all - feels significant.

It feels like a signifier that Alex still is and always will be an important part of Michael’s life. Even if he’s playing this guitar in Maria’s presence, even if he in this moment is choosing Maria, Alex is always, *always* going to be a part of him. (And we could do a whole *other* meta on how music is the language through which Michael and Alex - oh wait I already did that. But, regardless, music is a large part not just of how Michael finds peace, but how he connects to himself. And Alex is always going to be a part of that.)

(You could, if you chose, also see this as yet more foreshadowing of the three of them having a role in each other’s lives and healing journey, or you could not, but the fact that it is *Alex’s* guitar that Michael plays I think is undeniabley significant.)

Even if the relationship that he has with Alex right now hurts, Michael isn’t throwing the whole thing away. He might be forming a new relationship with it, but what he has with Alex is…well…you know.

[angsty-aliens]

The Importance of Anger

So we’ve seen people scold Michael a couple times now for being angry. For “manufacturing things to be angry about.” And Michael Guerin is NOT a shining beacon of mature and responsible mental health choices, but I empathize with his anger. Sometimes you feel like your only options are to be angry or to be sad. (There are clearly more options than that, but especially when dealing with long term trauma, it can feel like those are the only two you can pick.) 

Anger feels active. Anger is external. People hurt you and it pisses you off. You rage against it. You howl at the moon. It’s not fair. 

Sadness can feel passive. Sadness is internal. People hurt you and you’re devastated. You drown under the weight of your grief. You sob in the night. It’s still not fair. 

Both are totally valid ways to react, but I understand the appeal of anger. I can understand why it’d be hard to let go. Because if Michael lets go of the anger he has to deal with the pain. He has to work through the trauma. He has to let that energizing, powerful fury go, and that’s hard. It feels like defeat. It feels like accepting the trauma. Unfortunately that’s part of the process when you’re trying to get to a place where you can move past the trauma. But it is so so tempting to just stay angry. To cling to the good things while still railing against the injustices of your childhood. Because when you go to bed hungry and hurt, sometimes anger is the only comfort you get, and it’s not easy to give up. It’s like a favorite teddy bear. It keeps you warm. Does Michael need to address his anger? Yes. But I understand the value of anger as a survival instinct and how hard it is to let it go. 

[chasingshhadows]

malex & love languages

So I wanna talk about love languages and how that relates to the way that Michael and Alex communicate their love for each other. I think most of us have seen that post that goes around discussing love languages and I think these languages, they way they’re expressed and they way they’re received, are super important to understanding just how much effort both Michael and Alex have put into expressing their love for each other.

The most important take-away from that post, I think, is not the languages themselves (as I personally would break them down just a bit further), but the fact that it points out that “The way people show love is often how they receive love as well.” And I’d go one step further in saying that how people show love can be how they recognize it at all. 

I mentioned this briefly in a post I did after 1.12, when I talked about how Michael only understands the love he gives, and because those around him show love differently, he has trouble accepting that it’s there.

And I’ve seen multiple posts talking about how Alex or MIchael makes far more effort than the other to show each other how much they care, that they want to try for something real. 

I heartily disagree with all of them

Because what it comes down to is love languages. The people who think Alex shows he cares far more don’t speak Michael’s love languages, and vice versa. 

Now, people can speak and understand multiple love languages, and they can understand love languages that they cannot speak - similar to someone being able to understand a spoken language, but not being capable of speaking it themselves.

Michael’s love languages are: 

WORDS

Favors

Touch. 

Alex’s love languages are: 

TOUCH

Quality Time 

Protection

Michael shows love primarily through his Words. We see this most obviously with Alex, but also with Isobel as well (“I really missed you”). And he also shows he cares through Favors - using his skills or time to help his people. Fixing the projector, showing up to the reunion, fixing Max’s car, tuning Alex’s guitar, fixing Maria’s sign, driving Max to Texas. He also speaks and understands Touch, especially with Isobel.

Now something that I think is important is that Michael, unlike Alex, does not always understand any of the other languages. He thinks if people are not telling him they love him, using the big words and grand declarations, or going out of their way to do things for him, that they don’t love him the way he loves them. Which is not to say that he never gives or accepts love in the form of quality time or protection or even gifts - those things just don’t hold the same emotional weight for Michael. 

And even when he does show affection through quality time or protection, he still declares it in words. “I won’t let there be a next time” and “This is important to you, so I’m here,” and even “I’m gonna confess,” & “I messed up, Iz.” For Michael, it’s always important to speak his love.

Alex, however, does speak the other love languages. He recognizes the significance of “I never look away, not really” and “If anyone’s gonna destroy me, it might as well be you,” even if he can’t easily reciprocate the same way. 

He first and foremost shows his love with touch, we see it again and again. Michael says something heavy and Alex shows he feels the same way using his body and physical contact because he can’t muster the words - it’s never because he doesn’t feel the same way, he just doesn’t express it the same way. And he secondly shows affection by making time for someone - which we see both with Michael (the drive-in & 109/110) and with Maria/Liz (Mimi’s day out, and all the times he hangs out with Maria at the bar). 

And while I do think Alex giving Michael the guitar was him genuinely trying to do something nice for the broken boy who’d done something nice for him (see: Prom), he could have also been trying to learn Michael’s love languages - perhaps he would recognize Alex’s feelings through a gift. 

And I separated out the OP “Actions” section into two - Favors and Protection. Because I think Michael’s version of act-based love (favors, fix-its, service) is different from Alex’s (active protection). Alex protected Michael by offering him a safe space. He protected Michael by learning to win battles, by walking away - because he believes being together will only get Michael hurt. He protects Michael by shutting down Project Shepherd and keeping his knowledge of Michael’s origins secret. He protected Maria by seeking out Liz. 

But all of this, unlike Michael’s, is unvoiced. He doesn’t feel the need to tell someone he’s protecting them, he just does it.

So both Alex and Michael spend the entirety of the season, in their own ways, just absolutely pouring their hearts out to each other. Michael does this with his Words, again and again declaring himself, while also respecting Alex’s boundaries and wishes when Alex leaves. Alex does this with Touch, with his body and time in the first episodes (and as teenagers), and then later by walking away, and Protecting Michael silently, but no less ardently. 

Trying to compare the two, to quantify them, to rank them, is pointless; it is a disservice to both of them and blind to the fact that people - and these people, in particular - have vastly different ways of showing their love. 

This isn’t a competition and even if it was, there would be no winner. Michael and Alex both love each other equally, astronomically, cosmically - they just express that love in different languages.

[signoraviolettavalery]

I just remembered that in 1x12, after “you gotta go, Alex,” Michael says “we’ve been holding on to this thing, and where has it gotten us?” 

And in retrospect, I guess it makes sense that he didn’t go to Alex in 1x13. In fact, it strikes me that what Michael does in the finale is what Alex tends to do: running away when it gets too hard. By Michael’s own acknowledgement, this “thing” they’ve been holding on to has brought them pain, and heartbreak, and trauma, and literal physical maiming, and potentially even their deaths, if they hadn’t made it out of Caulfield in time. 

So Alex might love him, and Michael might believe him, but they still have so much to work through. So many conversations about the past to have (the toolshed, to begin with, which I don’t think they’ve ever talked about, Alex leaving Michael behind to enlist). Learning to disassociate all the trauma and pain from the future they could have together. Learning to communicate, working on their abandonment issues. Clearing the air and setting expectations. And it’s all so complicated and hard and Michael is a mess right now, so it’s easier to do what Alex did after the toolshed, after the drive-in, after he found out Michael wants to leave the planet: run away. Process it or ignore it, but avoid confronting it head-on. 

It’s fascinating to me that throughout season 1, Michael’s approach has been to plant himself like a rock and say “I’m here. I’m all in for whenever you’re ready” while Alex keeps running away (and, admittedly, coming back). And now it’s Alex planting himself like a rock, and saying “I’m all in. I’m ready.” But Michael just can’t deal with any of it right now, so he runs away. 

[spaceskam]

I was listening to showtunes, as I do, and I came across the line

"Wearing hand-me-downs from girls who didn't like you, it takes a toll. The bitterness of wearing your enemies' clothes eats into your soul."

And obviously my brain went to Michael Guerin and now I've been plagued with wondering how many times in foster homes was he forced to wear hand-me-downs from people who beat and tortured him, all the times he had to smell like them, look like them, etc.

BUT THEN I WAS LIKE OH BOY BUT ALEX

Alex, who no doubt had to wear his brothers' clothes, people who failed to protect him if not joined in on the abuse because it's what they knew. Alex, who grew up to wear the same uniform as his father. That's not a direct hand-me-down, more a metaphorical one because he looks like him now. He looks in the mirror and sees someone who he views as horrific and monstrous.

It sure does eat at his soul.

[televisionfanaticsincealways]

This is so accurate!

it does make me go insane on a regular basis how michael bisexual alien cowboy guerin is literally a walking forest fire of trauma and anger and sadness and he just will not let it stop him from feeling the world. he just won't go numb. he's like this raw nerve that cannot stop sparking and all the love and the shame and everything else it just flows out of him. there's not enough tough guy swagger in the world to make anyone avert their haze from this guy's bleeding heart

[angrycowboy]

you know what i have enjoyed about this season?

the different ways michael refers to alex.

my boyfriend.

the man i love.

my soulmate.

like... is it really out of the realm of possibility that he adds “my husband” to the list before the season is over?

in 4x01, even after just moving in with alex officially, michael still asks max how he knew it was the right time to propose to liz. but what this season has shown is that max didn’t actually have the right moment. twice the proposal didn’t happen. the moment wasn’t right.

because what michael fears is a fear that he’s had since childhood. that he’s never going to be enough for someone. he was left behind at the group home. he was bounced around foster families until he was homeless and lived in his truck. and now, for the first time in his life, someone is giving him that home he’s been yearning for. alex is proving to him, time and time again, that he is choosing michael. that he will always choose michael.

but that fear michael has, the need to get back to the planet he left behind, the belief that there may be family there who want him, who love him - he’s still struggling to let it go, and to grow past it. because that dream has been such a huge part of his life, and who he is as a person, it was never going to disappear immediately. it’s now a work in progress.

and it’s not that he doesn’t trust alex now. they’ve taken those steps where alex has expressed in his words how important michael is to him (”you are the one piece i cannot go through life without” and “what i can’t live without is you.”) and has shown it in the two of them beginning to officially cohabitate, by alex giving michael a house key. he stresses that the house is michael’s, not just his. i wrote a little about this after s3, about how alex’s house is the grown up version of the shed. it’s their safe place together.

in 2x06, alex admits that he used to believe they’d end up together. it’s a long overdue final break-up for them, but it reveals something else about them. neither of them have ever stopped loving one another, but alex has finally made the revelation that michael had back in 1x13 and 2x01 that they needed to find a new way to love each other. that the way they were before wasn’t working in a sustainable way for the kind of relationship they wanted. 

and then 3x09, after michael pulls alex off the ledge, after everything has calmed down, there’s a moment where they’re in the exam room together. and there’s a tension in the air - the expectations that they still hold, particularly alex. he still feels the need to fix everything his father broke, the responsibility still falling on his shoulders, and this episode was really the moment it truly could have killed him.

alex: i wanted to fix this for you. i just wanted to clear it up so that-

michael: so we could have a “normal picket fence life.” any way you slice it, manes, our picket fenced yard is gonna hold aliens.

followed by:

alex: i guess i just couldn’t get the fear of the rocky path we have ahead of us out of my mind.

michael: i spoke to sanders about the same thing. he said “you don’t walk away from a broken engine. you find a way to make it purr again.”

and while the larger reference here is to the two of them working on the lockhart machine to make it work correctly, and remove project shepherd’s interference - this is also talking about their relationship. for years after the shed, their relationship was broken, and neither of them knew how to fix it. it took time, and energy, and communication for them to get back on the path to the point where they have this conversation, where they both are eager and ready to put the work into themselves and relationship to move forward. they want to be together, they both want a life together - they just had to figure out how to make the pieces fit first.

(i know we can’t take word of god to mean anything, but something that i always thought was important to the overall arcs of the ships was something CAM said way back during s1, i believe. that these characters are adults, they’re exploring and discovering and trying to figure out if they want to spend the rest of their lives together. and i think especially in the case of echo and malex, when placed next to their journeys throughout the seasons, is important to keep in mind.)

we heard alex finally talk about his plans for the future a bit in 3x08 (”i joined deep sky for you”) which also goes along with why he joined the air force at 17 (”after what my dad did to you - i wanted to win battles.”) and we hear him re-iterate it in 3x09 - “i spent a year cleaning up my father’s messes and i made sure that not one of them touched michael.” for alex, it’s always been about carving out that safe space, first for himself and then expanded at seventeen to include michael.

but what happened in s4, and one of the reasons it angered me that the show had michael apologizing (particularly to liz and max) so quickly is... michael expects people to leave him. it’s why finding a losing nora hit him so hard. it’s why losing max on top of that caused the worst spiral we’ve seen for him. even in 3x01, michael admitted that despite maria breaking up with him, despite alex taking off for a year without a word - he was still happy because he had max and isobel. it was enough.

so for a moment, if you will, imagine that in that time between learning alex is missing and alex reaching out to connect with him to assure him i’m still here there is a moment where michael thinks now alex has left him... again. and this time, possibly for good. right when they’d gotten to this good place, right when they’d made this huge step towards the life they’d always dreamed of having together. something else came along and tore them apart, and got in the way. it’s the shed and noah all over again.

“i lost sight of the home i was trying to build with him” is just... he’s beating himself up for thinking that the dream he’s held onto since he was a child compares to the real thing in front of him. the person that loves him, and chooses him day after day, who wants to build a future with him.

maria once told alex, “home doesn’t have to mean a white picket fence house and a family - it can be a person.” and for alex, that person has been michael. this is long before anyone really knows about malex, before malex was ever really able to see what a them could be. before alex started to push back against his father, where he began his own journey of self-discovery and acceptance. 

so after all this, it doesn’t feel like it would be out of left field for malex to get engaged or even married. the two of them, together and apart, have been working on answering that question - if this is what they want - since we first met them in the pilot. through every up and down, we’ve seen them grow closer and grow apart, but we’ve never seen them truly choose someone else over each other.

and maybe, in a way, michael asking alex to marry him is a bit of a trauma response - but after everything they’ve been through. the times they’ve been pulled apart and external forces have said that they can’t make it work, they’ve still dug their heels in and picked each other. over and over again. tezca sent alex to an alternate dimension, and alex still found a way to communicate with michael. like kyle said - that’s powerful. and in the end if an external force trying to tear them apart is the thing that makes them both hold on a little tighter? i’m okay with that.

and hey, who knows. maybe alex will be the one to propose to michael. to see just how done alex is with being away from michael as we’ve seen michael is with being away from alex. 

“like a piece of alien tech, i don’t like being parted from my alien.”

[alex-guerin]

Michael and Alex, I swear...these two....they're gonna end up being that ridiculously adorable, sweet little old couple that still holds hands and are still just as in love with each other at 90 as they were when they were 17. They'll still be kissing and staring at each other lovingly and embarrassing their kids with how much they love each other and showing how much they love each other because they spent too much time not able to do it that they spend the rest of their lives making up for it.

Their grandkids will just watch them in awe as they dance in the kitchen and Alex sings for Michael and just be fascinated with how different their PawPaw and Poppie are from the other grandparents around -- and not because they're both men, but because of how freely they show their affection for each other and still tease each other and PawPaw gives Poppie certain looks and sasses at him. And Poppie just looks back at him in exasperation and goes, "Y'know what, Manes....." and they dissolve into laughter and smiles and kisses.

And when the day finally comes when one goes, the other kisses them softly and promises to follow them wherever they go and days later does exactly that because they haven’t been and can’t be apart from each other for more than a couple of days in over 50 years and they aren't about to start now. 

[televisionfanaticsincealways]

Preach! Seriously I’m so sick of everyone, but especially Max and Isobel, constantly being dismissive of Michael’s trauma and very valid anger. Stop yelling, let him express his anger and actually listen without shutting him down even when it seems irrational! Then help him find more healthy coping mechanisms. He didn’t have a permanent loving home to teach him those things and very few people have taken care to listen to him or show him his intrinsic value as person! And he doesn’t have the same resources or opportunities being a person who aged out of foster care and gave up a better future through college out of love and loyalty to them both. I know they love him, there’s obviously deep affection there. But they honestly suck at showing it in many important ways and then they get mad and put all the blame on the issues in their relationships on him as if they’re not just as much a part of the problem, if not more so.

Alex definitely has a better understanding of what Michael is dealing with and I’m so glad Michael has him in his corner but he still deserves better from his siblings. Other characters too! I love Maria and know she is going through a lot herself but I feel like she’s been taking things out on Michael an awful lot this season! I know part of it that she feels safe enough to do so with him but please stop. It’s the last thing Michael needs!

And I know this gets under my skin because I adore the character of Michael Guerin but it also gets to me on a deeper level. As a person with a social work degree working in an inner city school system with traumatized and special needs children I can’t tell you often I have seen teachers, support staff, service providers, and family members invalidate my kiddos struggles and feelings. It is so unbelievably frustrating! I also have personal experience with it and know just how damaging it can be! Sometimes the invalidation and lack of understanding people show feels worse than the initial trauma or struggle! Ugh!

Didn’t mean to ramble so much but this post definitely brought out a lot of feelings I have about Michael Guerin lol 😂

I know Michael was being all dramatic and self deprecating, but I hate how he continues to see Max who has literally killed two people and almost killed Wyatt and Flint as the good guy in their relationship, but considers himself an evil monster just because his dad was bad. And it looks like Max never told Michael that he was the kid causing trouble in the group home and Michael took the blame, so Michael still believes he was the problematic one.

Look. I am waiting for Alex to grab Michael by the shoulders and very, very gently shake him and tell him that despite what he thinks, Max is not The Savior and he isn't The Tyrant because if they are going based on past behavior, those things are flipped.

But also, Michael has spent his whole life living in foster care homes that tried to exorcise or beat the "evil" out of him, he has had his family constantly reminding him that he's a fuck up, Alex left and Michael has internalized that it was because of him and how he was acting (which is not the whole story there), everyone in the town looks down at him as a dirty drunk who does nothing but get into bar fights. You cannot go through life being told over and over again that you are worthless, and unwanted without internalizing that. And for Michael to finally have a reason for all that? To put a name to the reasons everyone treated him that way? To have someone to blame that wasn't himself must have felt a bit like relief. He wasn't unlovable because of who HE is, because he wasn't trying hard enough or in the right way enough, he's unlovable and unwanted, and worthless because that's who his DAD is, and it just runs in the family. What a weight off to know he no longer had to try so hard to get people to love him, to see him, because it was pointless anyways.

Alex was right, he has been looking for a reason his whole life as to why everyone thinks he's worthless and not good enough to stick around for and now that he has one, he is latching on to that. It doesn't make him feel good, but it's something. It's an explanation. It's someone he doesn't love that he can direct his anger at.

I don't know where all I was going for this, but I'm having a lot of feelings about Michael, and about even when he's standing up for other people his siblings are yelling at him for it like he started things and didn't prevent a hate crime, and how he thought he had this all figured out but Alex doesn't buy it and reminds him that HE doesn't think Michael is worthless, and that the only one who can determine Michael's self-worth is Michael himself. How Alex sees so much more to the root (the source) of things than Max and Isobel or anyone else ever has with Michael.

BRB I need to go out into the woods and scream now.

[salmonthestoryteller]

Science Bros Season 4 Parallels

For my previous posts about the parallels of Liz & Michael’s journey go here:

Part 1: Michael & Liz (Season 1)

Part 2: Liz & Michael (Seasons 2-3)

Michael and Liz start the season, once again, in the same place. They've been with their respective partners for half a year now, and have started to become settled for perhaps the first time in both their lives.  However, they are both thrown for some loops in that regards during the season, starting with the men they love deciding to take the next step in their relationships.

Before Season 4 begins, Alex asks Michael to move in with him. While he agreed, we begin the series with Michael feeling very unsettled about this.  Spiraling into old fears.  Surprisingly, it's Malex’s turn to solve their issues quickly.  A few conversations later, the two are settled and happy. In fact, Michael lays this part of their story to rest in episode 3.

Michael: "Well, my running man-days are over. Alex may be out chasing weather balloons, but my bags are unpacked.”

Max, meanwhile, has plans to ask Liz to marry him.  Their dance with this lasts the rest of the season.  With a combination of their own old fears and the new alien threat continuously getting in the way.

In the meanwhile, both Liz and Michael fall into old obsessions.

Liz meets Shivani and is quickly captivated once again with unlocking the secrets of alien science.  At first, the goal is simply to aid against the new threat.  However, as the season continues Liz obsession slowly grows into something far more dangerous.

Michael meets Clyde and is quickly captivated once again with discovering the secrets of their home world.  At first, his goal is also to be of aide against the new threat. Befriending Bonnie and attempting to save her from the cult of Ophiuchus. However, after realizing that Clyde is offering him a way home to Oasis, Michael's obsession also grows.

Meanwhile, their love interests both come under attack by Tezca.  Alex is kidnapped, taking him out of the fight for the time being.  While Max makes a dangerous decision to rid himself of his powers - lessening his ability to aid in the battle against the other aliens.

Michael realizes his obsession with Oasis has distracted him while Alex was in danger.

Liz almost comes to the same conclusion upon seeing Shivani’s obsession begin to spiral out of control, but her journey is interrupted when she's dosed with the alien mist.

In the final climax, Liz and Michael are both called upon to use their genius to find a way to save the group. Liz to stop Clyde from getting to Oasis, and Michael to save the group from the Pocket Dimension.

Malex, having found their balance, decides to hell with just living together and gets engaged and then married.  Their separation, and Alex almost dying, having been the final major hurdle in their relationship.

Echo had also found their balance, and they almost take the next step as well.  However, they are once again interrupted - this time by Max’s decision to go to Oasis.  They do get there, however - third time’s a charm - when they meet before the gate and finally get engaged.  In a sense, Max going to Oasis is much like Alex’s time in the pocket dimension - Echo’s final hurdle before their happily ever after.

Unfortunately, with the series not being renewed for a fifth season, that does leave us without Echo’s marriage to complete the parallels. (Though it may have spared us Max almost dying on Liz again.)

I am going to miss our Scientific Geniuses, their alien shenanigans, and matching journeys toward the happiness they deserve.

[im-the-punk-who]

tw: discussion of Alex’s trauma

Okay but can we talk about how that entire scene with Alex battling his subconscious is the perfect metaphor, how Nora even *says* ‘should we talk about how this is a metaphor?’

Alex’s greatest fear has always been that his father’s hatred would overshadow his ability and capacity to love - to love Michael. And those fears have driven him to the knife’s edge so many times before, although perhaps not as literally as this. But this has been Alex’s life. Letting his fear of his father drive him away from Michael, into war - it led him to completely shut Michael out and to shut himself down for fear that he will mess things up and inadvertently become his father. It led him to cut himself off from the people he loved for a *year* trying to fix his father’s mess.

Alex’s greatest fear has always been his loss of humanity. To lose the thing that Michael cherished most in him - that defines Alex as a character.

And I love that as we get deeper into this season we’re seeing how Alex can no longer hide this from himself. His father may be gone, but his ghost is still haunting Alex, and for all the running and fighting Alex has done, eventually he is going to have to turn around and fight it.

And into this, Michael comes and pulls him off the edge. Saying ‘I’ve got you - I’ve always got you.’

Michael is Alex’s reason to fight, but he’s never understood what Alex is fighting - or why. But now that he does, we’re seeing him trying to be Alex’s port in the storm he’s trying to sail through. Now that they’re communicating - and now that Michael knows enough and is secure enough in how Alex feels to not be threatened when Alex hides things.

I love that we saw Michael immediately understand. There was no yelling, there was no ‘how could you’s’ - there was no accusation of lying or hiding. Alex told Michael why, and Michael accepted it, and opened up that he has been having the same fears.

Alex’s greatest fear is a fear of loss - and I love that we saw Michael step up to the plate, recognize that, and reassure Alex that not only is he not alone, but that Michael is as committed to them as he is. ‘Any way you slice it, our picket fence is going to hold aliens.’ was such a cheesy thing to say, but it reassured Alex that Michael wants that life as much as Alex does. That vulnerability and reassurance is what Alex needs to be able to dig deeper into his own trauma - and I love that, especially directly after the last few episodes of Alex helping and comforting Michael through his troubles, we see Michael being able to return the gesture.

‘Home doesn’t have to mean a white picket fence and a family. Home can be a person.’

But maybe it can be both. And maybe, that home, future, fence can hold aliens.

[metaphoric-aliens]

ok ok ok!! here's my roswell playlist!!

descriptions/lyrics for why I chose each song:

Come a Little Closer: "come a little closer then you'll see // things aren't always what they seem to be" also I get a little kick out of "at first you were my father // now I love you like a brother"

Not Dead Yet: this is a Michael Guerin song. point blank.

Mine Forever: "don't wanna die // but I can't live without you" / "we will always be together //in my mind, you're mine forever" to me this is an Echo song

Love Me Like You Used To: verse 1 is Echo; verse 2 and 3 is Malex

Gold: "I could leave. I know I ought to, but there's gold in them hills." small town vibez

Disarm: "the killer in me is the killer in you" this is a Max song

AM Radio: "long as you run // I couldn't give you up"

You're Somebody Else: "you look like yourself but you're somebody else // only it ain't on the surface"

this is me trying: I’ve always associated this with malex

Survivor: "see I wanted you to stay and show you the world's a better place" this is an Alex song !

She Talks to Angels: somebody used this for a Rosa edit and now I very much associate it with s1/s2 Rosa

Everything and Reckoning: I know Alanis is a Liz thing, but these 2 songs I heavily relate to Isobel

Hanginaround: "I been bumming around this old town for way too long" small town vibez

Rain King: this is a Max song

Alien: bc why not

Wash it Clean: MALEX!!! "all my life I tried to let you go // would you stay?" and "soak my hands in gasoline // I can't wash it clean // bathe my days in revelry // I can't wash it clean"

Dust Settles: this is a pod squad song <3 "here we are now // lonely together"

Unicorn: MALEX all around, like every line - "you came from another star" / "love, love is a cosmic thing"

[chasingshhadows]

DID IT GET OLD FOR YOU?

okay bc on first glance this is such a smartass, antagonizing, goading thing to say. 

Alex asks if Michael’s macho cowboy swagger thing ever gets old with him, and “did it get old for you” seems like such a stab, right? Bc Alex is shitting on Michael’s whole aesthetic, but clearly it worked for him at one point, right? 

That’s what we think Michael’s alluding to - “oh you don’t like it now, but we both know you were into it” and all that. Like that cuts right?

Except....

When i watched this back my heart fucking shattered bc look at that little hover after he asks. Look at that pause. Think about what he’s asking... what if that was a real question?

Is that why you left? 

Did you get sick of me? 

Did it get old for you?

*cue endless sobbing*

[meggiejolly]

So in 3x12 Heath talks about the place where he and Dallas “used to quiet the voices” and in 3x13 Liz says to Max “you quiet all the noise” when talking about their first meeting at the playground. Those lines have to be intentional parallels to “together we could quiet all the noises, drown out the voices” from Alex’s song right? 

[bravery-sought]

ANALYSIS OF MICHAEL AND ALEX IN THE BUNKER DURING S3EP13 “NEVER LET YOU GO”

I’ve been meaning to write about this scene for a very long time since the episode first aired. It’s so always so beautiful to see Malex interact with each other and the energy that they radiate when around one another. This scene stood out to me so much for a multitude of reasons. 

[more under the cut!]

For one, it’s Michael breaking out of old habits. We, as the audience, have witnessed as Michael continuously struggled with his own demons and understanding what it meant to be loved. There’re so many aspects that go into a relationship and truthfulness is an extremely important factor. He’s skeptical about opening up to people because of his childhood and Alex can be the very same way. He’s known for shoving Alex away when things get difficult and hiding what bothers him when he should be communicating.

Michael visits Alex in the bunker beneath his Airstream. Alex mentions about having to make some alien glass, using the turquoise that Michael mined and reveals that he had actually found a bunch in the drawer here. In the moment, it seems like he caught Michael in a lie or at least, a partial one. There’s a second of silence as Michael appears to process the words and then he’s brutally honest, 

“I’m not gonna lie to you.” 

He’s stopping himself from making up some fibbing answer about why he has a stash of turquoise there. He’s opening up and forcing himself to voice his worries about the upcoming battle against Jones. He admits that he’s freaked out  and this prompts Alex to gently coax him onward with a question, 

“Are you afraid this isn’t gonna work?” 

Michael’s response is, 

“I’m afraid we’re only getting to the start of something.”

Alex NEEDS a little more information from Michael to go off of. But there’s no need for him to ask for him to elaborate. He subtly moves his head, eyes fixated on Michael to show that he is attentive and ready to absorb. 

Michael takes that as a queue to continue, looking down at his feet as he walks forward to Alex. This behavior is like that of a small child’s, but he’s not trying to hide. This is still a bit new to him, but he’s WANTING to be truthful. 

“You know, we never even went on a real first date. We never walked down Main Street holding hands.”

Michael is terrified, it’s reflected in his eyes as he looks at the man he loves, and he’s speaking as if they won’t ever get the chance in the future. At this point, Michael is looking directly at Alex with tears-glossed eyes. There’s a painful smile spread across his features and it’s painful for him to admit what frightens him so much. 

Alex is silent and patient as he lets Michael talk. 

“I need you to know, if this goes bad tomorrow,”

Alex ALREADY has a clue about where this is going. 

“I lo-” 

Alex is quick to cut him off, raising a hand and giving a firm, “

No. Don’t say those words.” 

He NEEDS to stop Michael before he tips off the deep end. He is determined and dead-set on the fact that they will win this. There is no need for goodbyes for final statements, because he cannot face the concept of losing Michael right now. He has to remain optimistic and there’s a tone that his voice adapts that originated from his days as an active airman. 

“We are going to win this, okay?” 

He steps towards Michael, stepping directly into his orbit as his love continues, 

“Winning is what worries me.” 

Michael’s being too vague. While Alex can understand a majority of what Michael usually intends or means, this is a bit… out of range and Alex needs more details.

“What? C-can you explain that?” 

The truth hurts like a gut punch.

“What if I have to kill my own father? You gonna love me then?” 

Alex’s expression easily reads, ‘Of course, I will.’ 

Seeing Michael THIS vulnerable in front of Alex is utterly painful, and he’s so agonized. The self-hatred peaks through, 

“Am I still gonna love myself?” 

Michael has always harbored a powerful disdain for himself and it only got worse when he found out about who Jones was and how they were connected by blood. 

Alex knows Michael is struggling to hold back a river of tears, but he has to ALLOW him to do this on his own. 

“That self-loathing is what caused this mess between us for 15 years.”

Fifteen years is a VERY long time to love someone. Sure, they’ve been with other people but that love that they’ve held for each other has never fully faded. They’ve faced their own demons and encountered new ones for more than a decade. Alex knows what it’s like to have a terrible genocidal maniac as his father, but he never quite expected Michael to be in the same situation. 

“What’s winning gonna do? Is it gonna set us right back to square one? Are we going to be able to survive that war if it does?” 

Michael’s panicking, it shows in his voice and his expression. If you want to be poetic; he’s falling, PLUMMETING to the ground. He’s thinking a million miles an hour and he can’t get his brain to slow down. He’s getting tangled up in the ‘what if’s and the negatives that it’s causing him to spiral really fast. He’s ready to shut down.

BUT Alex knows how to center him again, placing a soft hand on his shoulder and approaching this from an angle that he knows how to.

Alex’s touch instantly provides something for Michael to use an anchor. They BOTH have the ability to soothe each other with either presence or touch FIRST before words.

“No. Listen to me.” 

He lets his free hand fall on Michael’s other shoulder, looking him directly in the eyes with an unwavering gaze filled with love and hope. 

“We are not who were in high school, let alone a year ago.”

They have changed SO MUCH over the years and Alex recognizes it. They have broken a majority of their bad habits that revolve around each other and he’s aware of it. Michael exhales and hangs his head, letting Alex speak, 

“We already defeated one monstrous father, and we will do it again.”

Alex is bringing a dash of his own experience in this because he sees it as a way to comfort Michael. They both are victims of Jesse’s wrath, but in the end, Alex’s greatest monster was slayed. He’s holding onto that hope and insight, and offering it to Michael to hold close. Alex shifts his palms, letting his hands gently cup Michael’s face. Guerin just melts into, letting the touch soothe and tether him. Alex strokes his cheeks and Michael faintly nuzzles into it. The energy around him is much calmer than before and Alex can sense it. He gives a subtle nod to Michael as if asking if he’s feeling better now and Michael responds with one of his own. 

They exchange a kiss before the phone buzzes (rudely interrupting the moment). The note regarding Liz’s success does assist in keeping the flame of hope alive, and Michael places his hands on Alex’s shoulders, to which the former airman s folly grasps the insides of his elbows. Then, one of Michael’s hands finds a home against  the base of Alex’s head, thumb’s webbing inches from his ear. It’s similar to how Alex held him just minutes ago. 

They kiss again, drawing it out as if it may be the last. 

I think this scene really shows their growth and just how far they have come in their development as characters. 

At the beginning of the scene, Michael is buzzing with panic and sheer anxiety. Alex perceives it very well and it goes to show just how well Alex can read him. They’ve always been able to read each other like books, but sometimes, they have their ways of hiding particular emotions or thoughts. Alex is aware of how to quickly harmonize Michael’s mind and atmosphere again, quiet the thoughts that bring doubt. He acts on it with confidence and Michael responds in turn by being truthful and letting himself FEEL his emotions. Alex puts out the fire in Guerin’s head, making sure it doesn’t get out of control. He’s able to soothe the hurt and box away his love’s worries to help him THINK clearly about a situation or see reason. 

In the past, they were like opposing sides of magnets and would propel each other away with a jabbing comment as they internally retreated and pulled up walls to protect themselves against an opposing threat that they saw as EACH OTHER. 

This shows so much growth and truly emphasizes how they have grown. 

The last time we saw them alone in the Bunker was in S2EP10 “American Woman”. Rewatching that scene and how they interacted is truly an experience now. Michael had already made up his mind when Alex mentioned that he was ready to see what Jesse would do with the alien glass piece. Jesse is a THREAT and Michael instantly shuts down, jumping onto defense and offense when Alex attempted to offer a suggestion that may have had unexpected consequences. 

They BOTH severely lacked the patience that they have with each other now. 

I honestly didn’t know what I was expecting when I first saw this scene and I was dreading that Michael’s insecurities would ultimately force Alex away again. But I was taken by surprise and I was so absolutely relieved. Them communicating, like adults, brings me such joy and I seriously hope we see more of it in the upcoming season. Their relationship and the way they communicate is something truly otherworldly and it’s so so SO insanely beautiful.

[djchika]

Okay but Michael feeding his people as a form of affection is such a poor kid thing? When you’re poor, more often than not, food is the only tangible thing you own that’s sharable. It’s Michael’s go to when he’s worrying over Alex because he knows how valuable it is to have food around especially when you’re busy or sick.

And we all know he can cook so it seems impractical that he keeps spending what little extra cash he has on buying food, but that’s simply his love language magnified. Cooking for the person you love is sweet and romantic and Michael will do that a lot for Alex I’m sure, but this small, sacrificial act that seems to be the “easier” of the two is actually incredibly meaningful too.

(Also please, as kids how many times do you think they got food from the Crashdown to eat out in the desert?? TOO MANY PROBABLY. Crashdown take out is their thing.)